The Art of racing in the rain

To keep my mind off of life I have been doing a lot of reading. I used to read all the time. My family used to get upset with me because when we would go out to dinner or do any family activity I would have a large book shoved in my face and refuse to converse. When I am in a book I am IN a book. It's my way of traveling without leaving the farm. I was reading "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein. I'm not going to reveal anything about this book except that I thought it was wonderful. Very refreshing. But there was one part of this book that truly stuck out to me. It is the main character, Enzo (who is a dog), who is speaking about race car driving. Intrigued? I hope so.

Enzo says, "Ideally, a driver is a master of all the is around him, Denny says. Ideally, a driver controls the car so completely that he corrects a spin before it happens, he anticipates all possibilities. But we don't live in an ideal world. in out world, surprises sometimes happen, mistakes happen, incidents with other drivers happen, and a driver must react."

 I know this feeling all too well. Trying to be proactive. Planning ahead to avoid any complications and it's people like this, like me, that take "surprises," "accidents," and "mistakes" the hardest. There are so many things in my life I was not ready for. I must have been blinded by the sun because I saw none of this coming.Yet, Enzo continues...

"Alas! Our driver is not where he had hoped to be! Yet he is still in control of his car. He is still able to act in a positive manner. He still can create an ending to his story in which he completes the race without incident. And perhaps, if his manifesting is good, he will win."

Though I wasn't prepared, I still have a chance to finish my race here, to create an ending to my story. I will be honest. I wanted to rush my ending. I wanted it now, I wanted to be finished with my race. I was out of steam. Yet this charming, wise dog, a character in a book, laid it out for me. I am not where I thought I was going to be, but I can still regain control and finish the race. And I can win.

Tell me about dreams BFG

"Oh please tell me!" Sophie said. "I will understand! Go on! Tell me how you collect dreams! Tell me everything!"

The BFG settled himself comfortably in his chair and crossed his legs. "Dreams," he said, "is very mysterious things. They is floating around in the air like little wispy-misty bubbles. And all the time they is searching for sleeping people."

"Can you see them?" Sophie asked.

"Never at first."

"Then how do you catch them if you can't see them?" Sophie asked.

"Ah-ha," said the BFG. "Now is getting on to the dark and dusky secrets."

"I won't tell a soul."


I can't hear these dreams as they go whiffling through the night air making a tiny little buzzing-humming noise. It's a buzzing-hum so silvery soft "human beans" can't possibly hear it. But I'm gonna catch one. I'm gonna catch one of these golden dreams.

We're just a bunch of good kids who just hate to say goodbye

The only good thing about saying goodbye is that it opens up another moment to say "hello." Each time we say goodbye it hurts, but have you ever thought about what goodbye means? It's good and bye shoved together to make one word. So we have good, which means joy, happiness, pleasure, puppies, flowers, nights under the stars, whatever you consider good. And then we have the simple truth, bye. I must leave you for now. It's knowing that evening though you must bid farewell, it is good. You are saying, have good travels while we are apart! Go do amazing things so when we do see each other again, it will be even better than this.
We must work every day through the pain. The pain of sometimes feeling alone, but it's only momentary in the grand scheme of life on Earth. The pain breaks my heart, but when I am reunited with the people/ person I love, that feeling is irreplaceable. I wouldn't ever consider taking the easy way, because the hard way makes it that much more worthwhile.

Sometimes it's not your shoes that travel

I had my shoes tied and ready to go. Then BAM. God smack. I was looking for a break, for some time to spend in the beauty and majestic fall world away from here, but what I was really looking for was an escape. Instead of my shoes, God meant for my heart to travel. 

See, a traveling heart walks much slower than my feet. Hence, why it's taken a month for me to get my head together to sit down and blog again. My heart has slid down the valley into this rather dark chasm, but slowly it's working it's way back up to the stop. There are days when I can see the sun more creeping over the tip top of the dark crater and there are days when it seems I will never feel the warmth of his rays again. 

As it is with traveling feet, you never know what may happen; a tire blows, engine stalls, there's no gas station for miles and the gas light just blinked its ominous orange light. A traveling heart is much the same. You can get lost down the curvy roads. I enjoyed the view for sure, but sometimes I just wanted to be back home. I ran out of gas wondering if I were have enough life to make it just a few more steps. The difference is, though, that with a traveling heart, you are never alone. When you run out of gas, Jesus is there with a gas pump in his hand waiting for you. When you are lost, you betchya he's got a map. When you want to pull over and just stop for a minute, sure, he'll wait with you for as long as it takes. 

I thought all I needed was for my shoes to travel far far away, but I’ve never been this far before nor seen things this beautiful and my feet never moved an inch. 

Another heart calls

My talent is loving people. My deepest hope is to feel Christ working through me to bring light into the lives of others. I can hardly do that when I lean on my own understanding. I am broken-hearted. It comes with the package of being a perpetual lover. My emotions are my nature- they are who I am. Each note of laughter, and every shade of sadness were handcrafted by my Creator.

I am who I am because of his careful selection of my every feature and because He has a plan for me. Though I want God, Who makes all things possible, to take this cup from me, I must continue to love people though they may not love me back as it is His will (Mark 14:36). Jesus has his heart broken every day by us who he loves when we sin in our lives. Lives He died to save. Each life holds a purpose far greater than any physical; earthly imagination can comprehend no matter how artistic we try to be. We are not fortunetellers, we are not magicians, and we are children. Our independence comes only from God when we stop resisting (2Cor. 3:5). So we must have faith. I must have faith that my Creator knows every crumble of my life, even when it falls away. I must have faith that He will work through me. My love. My Savior. My God.

Though it feels that the mountains I stand on are shaking and the hills around me have been removed, I know that God’s unfailing love for me can not and will not be shaken nor the peace He has promised me be removed (Isaiah 54:10). 

Just walking through a parking lot

 "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

It was Sunday morning and I had to go do interviews in Ohio for my seminar. I was distraught and unhappy for numerous reasons, but not being able to go to church was the cherry right on top of my melted, sad bowl of ice cream.

I was just walking through a church parking lot to get to my vehicle. As I walked, my path intersected with a older gentlemen's heading into church. He said, "Well you must be on your way to church!" 

I sadly replied, "No I'm on my way to get my car, I have to do things for school all day today." He looked disappointed and responded, "Well, you look all dressed up and on your way to church." 

"I wish," I said. He asked my name and I told him and the words that just hit me were, "Well, Allison, I will say a prayer for you, have a great day." He smiled and continued into the church. If I ever see him again, I will be sure to tell him that our little conversation met more to me that he could know. 

I was just walking through the parking lot. The last thing I expected to hear was God's uplifting words. 

In the middle of nowhere...was a sunflower farm

The archaeology site for my dig is in Ohio. Way, way, way into the corn a soybean fields of Ohio. Everything seems the same. One old barn passes by, then another, and another. Some horses here and cows there, some goats occasionally.

As we were driving and the rows of crop flashed by the window, a magnificent expanse of sunflowers appeared. At least five or six acres of nothing but yellow sunflowers and their green stalks with a back splash of two old red barns and some farm equipment. I was put to shame, again. Though we may drive past fields and fields of corn, don't ever doubt that a meadow sunflowers certainly may appear. 

Today, a butterfly landed on my shoe

I was standing. In the grass. Waiting to be productive while on site today for my archaeological dig. Suddenly, I felt a tickle. Two butterflies had taken a break on my shoe. I must have been rather salty because they kept coming back. Eventually, I picked one up with my finger and he happily sat there. Honestly, he was kinda ugly. But I'm not a model either so we have that in common. I'm good with that. Real good.

A kite and my shoes

Sometimes there's just this thing that lives inside a person. I say "thing" because it could me so many different feelings to different people. To some it could just be a hope, to some a memory, for some a burning passion... for me it's really pull. A pull that's trying to yank me out of this place and into another. It's not a feeling that I chose to have. Like a kite, I gave the pull some slack and let it sail away. I wasn't ready. Eventually I lost sight of it and now I've decided to reel it back in and get it back in my sights. The pull is so strong now.

Those poor traveling shoes.... they've been waiting for me to strap them on and head out the door. Now the pull on my heart strings is so incredibly intense. I think it's Him telling me it's time. I sure hope so, I've been waiting. It's a beautiful feeling, a confusing feeling. There's so much to learn, but I can do it on the way; I have to go. 

This is one of those moments that's so clear. Before the truth goes back into hiding I want to decide because it's worth deciding. There's got to be something more... 

So, that's what I'm planning. I heard West Virginia is beautiful in the fall. Why not?

Oh, the consistency of change...

Write this down. I have finally given control of my life to someone who knows what to do with it. True, it wasn't by choice. I was a bird enjoying the view of the sky until I lost my focus and I free fell. Well, now I'm on the ground. I'm in His hands waiting for that gentle lift that allows just enough air under my wings for flight again. Change, it's good. The view from down here, well it's not as great as it was, but it's different. It was about time for a change. I might as well make the best of it while my feet are grounded in waiting.... so watch me walk. Better yet, walk with me. I'm a bit wobbly, but I'll get there.