Another heart calls

My talent is loving people. My deepest hope is to feel Christ working through me to bring light into the lives of others. I can hardly do that when I lean on my own understanding. I am broken-hearted. It comes with the package of being a perpetual lover. My emotions are my nature- they are who I am. Each note of laughter, and every shade of sadness were handcrafted by my Creator.

I am who I am because of his careful selection of my every feature and because He has a plan for me. Though I want God, Who makes all things possible, to take this cup from me, I must continue to love people though they may not love me back as it is His will (Mark 14:36). Jesus has his heart broken every day by us who he loves when we sin in our lives. Lives He died to save. Each life holds a purpose far greater than any physical; earthly imagination can comprehend no matter how artistic we try to be. We are not fortunetellers, we are not magicians, and we are children. Our independence comes only from God when we stop resisting (2Cor. 3:5). So we must have faith. I must have faith that my Creator knows every crumble of my life, even when it falls away. I must have faith that He will work through me. My love. My Savior. My God.

Though it feels that the mountains I stand on are shaking and the hills around me have been removed, I know that God’s unfailing love for me can not and will not be shaken nor the peace He has promised me be removed (Isaiah 54:10). 

Just walking through a parking lot

 "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

It was Sunday morning and I had to go do interviews in Ohio for my seminar. I was distraught and unhappy for numerous reasons, but not being able to go to church was the cherry right on top of my melted, sad bowl of ice cream.

I was just walking through a church parking lot to get to my vehicle. As I walked, my path intersected with a older gentlemen's heading into church. He said, "Well you must be on your way to church!" 

I sadly replied, "No I'm on my way to get my car, I have to do things for school all day today." He looked disappointed and responded, "Well, you look all dressed up and on your way to church." 

"I wish," I said. He asked my name and I told him and the words that just hit me were, "Well, Allison, I will say a prayer for you, have a great day." He smiled and continued into the church. If I ever see him again, I will be sure to tell him that our little conversation met more to me that he could know. 

I was just walking through the parking lot. The last thing I expected to hear was God's uplifting words. 

In the middle of nowhere...was a sunflower farm

The archaeology site for my dig is in Ohio. Way, way, way into the corn a soybean fields of Ohio. Everything seems the same. One old barn passes by, then another, and another. Some horses here and cows there, some goats occasionally.

As we were driving and the rows of crop flashed by the window, a magnificent expanse of sunflowers appeared. At least five or six acres of nothing but yellow sunflowers and their green stalks with a back splash of two old red barns and some farm equipment. I was put to shame, again. Though we may drive past fields and fields of corn, don't ever doubt that a meadow sunflowers certainly may appear. 

Today, a butterfly landed on my shoe

I was standing. In the grass. Waiting to be productive while on site today for my archaeological dig. Suddenly, I felt a tickle. Two butterflies had taken a break on my shoe. I must have been rather salty because they kept coming back. Eventually, I picked one up with my finger and he happily sat there. Honestly, he was kinda ugly. But I'm not a model either so we have that in common. I'm good with that. Real good.

A kite and my shoes

Sometimes there's just this thing that lives inside a person. I say "thing" because it could me so many different feelings to different people. To some it could just be a hope, to some a memory, for some a burning passion... for me it's really pull. A pull that's trying to yank me out of this place and into another. It's not a feeling that I chose to have. Like a kite, I gave the pull some slack and let it sail away. I wasn't ready. Eventually I lost sight of it and now I've decided to reel it back in and get it back in my sights. The pull is so strong now.

Those poor traveling shoes.... they've been waiting for me to strap them on and head out the door. Now the pull on my heart strings is so incredibly intense. I think it's Him telling me it's time. I sure hope so, I've been waiting. It's a beautiful feeling, a confusing feeling. There's so much to learn, but I can do it on the way; I have to go. 

This is one of those moments that's so clear. Before the truth goes back into hiding I want to decide because it's worth deciding. There's got to be something more... 

So, that's what I'm planning. I heard West Virginia is beautiful in the fall. Why not?

Oh, the consistency of change...

Write this down. I have finally given control of my life to someone who knows what to do with it. True, it wasn't by choice. I was a bird enjoying the view of the sky until I lost my focus and I free fell. Well, now I'm on the ground. I'm in His hands waiting for that gentle lift that allows just enough air under my wings for flight again. Change, it's good. The view from down here, well it's not as great as it was, but it's different. It was about time for a change. I might as well make the best of it while my feet are grounded in waiting.... so watch me walk. Better yet, walk with me. I'm a bit wobbly, but I'll get there.